Stage Fright

As I continue on my quest to do an in-depth study of a specific virtue each month, my understanding of God's grace has deepened. My study of courage for the month of April has been a reminder that I am truly undeserving of God's favor and that any sign of bravery on my part can only be the work of the God-Head: the unending love of the Father, the ultimate sacrifice of the Son, and the ongoing empowering/indwelling of the Holy Spirit. He is everything and I am nothing. As I submit my nothingness to His abundance, I need not fret because He is certainly "my refuge, my strength, my anchor, my bulwark, my ever-present help in trouble, my song in the night."

The deeper I delve into this focus on courage as a virtue, the more I am reminded by God's Word that our lives are plagued with fear. One particular fear to which many musicians can relate is that of stage fright or performance anxiety. Uninvited though it may be, this guest always comes at the most inopportune moment. At times, it seems that the more important the performance, the more likely it is to show its ugly head. As I reflect on the ways in which I have been affected by stage fright in my career, I see some connections that not only apply to music but also link other areas of living with the principles taught by the Bible.

One such connection is the fact that poor preparation always leads to performance anxiety. Poor preparation is unique as it always relates to time management. It could be that I did not have enough advance notice to be ready for the performance. Sometimes I was given the wrong information concerning what specific piece to learn. It might be a matter of procrastination which robbed me of the adequate or necessary time to thoroughly prepare myself. It could be still that I was simply inefficient during the practice sessions choosing to use the wrong approach as I rehearsed which renders me completely ineffective in performance. Or, it could be that I opted to do nothing to prepare myself and simply hoped that I could wing it.

Another is that stage fright stems from the performer's wrong focus on the audience. When I think of who is potentially hearing me sing, then I start re-evaluating the choices I had made and the technical principles I had drilled into my body and mind. I get distracted and tempted to change things or to improvise in order that I might impress my audience. Then, doubt enters my mind: did I choose the right pieces? Are there enough high notes on this program? Is my outfit stylish enough? Such superfluous thinking renders me completely ungrounded and nervousness starts to reign in my heart.

A final connection is the fact that self-focus is the most deadly choice in terms of performance stress. When I focus on myself in performance, I almost always get plagued with fear before the performance is over. Since no performance is perfect, then each time a little flaw comes up, I hear it in my head as though a commentator was giving the audience a blow by blow report on my performance. At that point, I hear a little voice inside of me putting me down:

I knew you couldn't do it.
What made you think you were good enough?
Nobody's ever gonna want to hear you again.
You might as well quit right now.
Your voice is gonna crack at any moment now.
The tenor who sang before you was so much better.

And on, and on, and on... For others, it may be different but the truth of the matter is every time we focus on ourselves our minds play tricks on us and we end up completely disoriented. Nervousness then becomes the message we bear instead of the one prescribed by the composer.

This morning, I am reminded that life is a performance which inspires a great deal of fear in people. We are all guilty of being the prey of our nerves. We are afraid of introducing ourselves to people. We are afraid of being single and afraid of getting married. We are afraid of being barren and afraid of having too many children. We are terrified about public speaking. We worry that people might not like us or not accept us. We whine about the treatment we receive from others. We triple-guess ourselves before every step we take for fear of making the wrong move. We are afraid of not taking advantage of a deal only to have buyer's remorse after a shopping spree. We are constantly afraid. Especially nowadays, we are accustomed to hearing so much depressing news that we are afraid of flying, driving, and even walking in a park. We are afraid of our spouses, other family members, neighbors, friends, and co-workers. We are sometimes afraid of goingto a store or a bank for fear of being shot by robbers. We are afraid of natural disasters, an economic collapse, betrayals, and the list could go on.

Living rightly and boldly requires excellent preparation, the right audience, and the right focus. The answer is found nowhere else but in God.

a) The training/instruction God provides in His Word is more than excellent preparation for a life well-lived. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 reads,

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

So, we can rest assured that the Master teacher is ready to instruct us at all times through His word if we would only go to Him. In fact, Psalm 32:8 tells us that,

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

What more could we need?

b) We need to realize that our audience is the audience of One: God and only God. When we go onstage to perform, the people in the seats are merely observers, they are not our main audience. So, it matters not if they do not clap nor like our offering because God is applauding. In life, we should strive to no longer desire the empty praises of human beings but seek to honor God with our actions. His approval should be our number one priority. Psalm 5:12 declares,

"For surely, O Lord, you love the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield."

c) The right focus is the worship of God in every circumstance. If I focus on myself, then I commit idolatry. We need to focus on God in good times and bad times. In good times, we ought to praise His name with thanksgiving in our hearts. In bad times, we must thank Him for the affliction because we know that godly sorrow will lead to righteousness. Psalm 16:8 instructs us rightly,

"I have set the Lord always before me, because He is at my right hand, I will never be shaken."

Have you ever been shaken? I know I have. Yet, should we fear? No, absolutely not. Whom shall I fear? No one. Why should we not fear? Because He promised He would never leave nor forsake us regardless of how it seems on the outside. He says that He holds everything in His hand. He is in control.

May God preserve us and embolden us to fight the good fight until the day of the Lord!